Like a Thorn in My Side

Why is it that autistic people look so much alike? It's maddening. The girls look like eco-terrorists. Of course, I am an environmentalist myself and most autistics are on some level because they unlike regular people know they are part of their environment. Still, doesn't it drive you mad? (in a curious sort of way) I wouldn't change them, (us) though. They are perfect.

I can see a person on the autism spectrum and like two magnets polarizing, we turn away. We are not designed to fit like we are with others. I watch them from a distance, through the computer screen, their pretty faces and faraway eyes, wide open. They never close. What is it in those eyes?

I can hardly look at my own straight because they are so piercing. It actually frightens me. What is in these eyes? And who am I really writing for, here? The world or you or me? Is this blog just for people on the autism spectrum or is it for everybody to have a look into the world of autism? Can it be all of those things?

Does it even matter who reads this? I am pretty sure it doesn't. You could be a hobo on the side of the road or anybody. You are a real, live reader and I reached you. That is all that matters to me. I am one tiny piece in the collective. I don't have to do my job plus the work of thousands. I only need to be me.

I haven't spent much time with people on the autism spectrum. When I have the chance to I back away. Maybe it is because I am not used to being with my own kind. I feel this is exactly where I need to be. The world is my kind and I am loyal to it, just as I am to this cause. It is a hard road when you belong nowhere. These little trends in the autism community are something I will have no part of, just like I will have no part in them in the world at large.

The socialization of autism is one thing but within our community there cannot be followers. Only those who are true to themselves. The socialization of autism is one thing but if we attempt to mimic the social hierarchy of the NT we will fail as a people. This is why we must cease to bicker righteously among ourselves and forgive the sins that were committed against us in our past. Forgetting those acts of hate is entirely another, however.

I am talking about a profound forgiveness that solidifies the person you have become and will become from here on out. A forgiveness of the situation more than forgiving a single person. It doesn't make sense to some people I am sure but I see the autism community as just another system to hold me back. I want to be an individual for the good of all. Have you felt that the autism community is a contradiction and that it holds you back? I am prepared for the possibility that this is just me and only me. That nobody else feels this way.