Saturday, October 12, 2013
Remember that kid who killed a bunch of little children at that school a while back? Well, when I heard about it it just did something to me that no other crime ever had. I was completely dumbfounded and wounded physically, mentally, on every level and even on levels I didn't know existed. On such a deep level that I just shake at my core thinking about it. How many lives were destroyed from this one person was something my mind couldn't understand-and how it happened, who it happened to and most of all why it happened still boggles my mind. Horrific. Vile.
Then, after already feeling terror on every level, worried that the people I know should pull their kids from schools, I have to be hit in the face with something far more difficult to process. Apparently, the boy's brother said he had Asperger's. Now, I don't have AS as far as I know and since the stupid disorder is so over diagnosed it is hard to say if anyone does. But I do have a lot of the same symptoms as people with AS and to some people we may even seem interchangeable. How despicable that they would say he had Asperger's on the fucking news. Were they trying to get us all killed?
Was his brother trying to add more violence to an already fucked situation? Why was that kid even talking? If your brother went and shot up a bunch of little kids would you really be like, "ugh....think he mighta had aspergurrs..."? Was he saying it to legitimately explain some of the reason for the murderer's frustration? If so, I can kind of get it. Still...something strikes me as very off about it. If my brother was such a worthless individual I would not talk about him period. If my brother did that I wouldn't be talking to reporters.
Then, THEN to make matters worse I am giving myself mental therapy for like weeks after knowing this has happened and sick of hearing everybody going "people with autism are NOT violent" just to gloss over the whole thing and keep us and our families from being branded when we had nothing to do with this. This isn't about ffing autism. Okay? So, here I am, just wishing people would stop coming to me saying this just to suck up to me. I am not impressed.
So, after all this torture is taking place I think that maybe I can live my life in a state of semi peace. No. Not happening while this attention-whoring parasite of an organization Autism ****** ***** stoops to a whole new low. Not only did they attack my organization a month prior but I, while stumbling across a news feed on yahoo or something find an article that reads "autism organization apologizes and offers condolences to the families of the victims" in so many words. Their blatant whoring had taken on a whole new level. Now, these people are actually apologizing for the mass murder of a person who may or may not be on the spectrum just to get media coverage.
Way to go. Funny because when I read that I wanted puke all my guts out. I wonder what they would do if someone said they would hurt them and their families. How would they feel about evoking that kind of violence from a person on the spectrum? If they think this is such a game maybe they should stop apologizing for mass murderers who butcher little kids without mercy. This is not a stupid video game. Real people died. Little, tiny kids DIED in a cruel, merciless way and this is not some kind of thing you as a person or entity on the spectrum should be saying "sorry" for.
Would you commit that sort of crime? Then don't go begging forgiveness for it. We have got nothing to prove.
Friday, October 11, 2013
I can see a person on the autism spectrum and like two magnets polarizing, we turn away. We are not designed to fit like we are with others. I watch them from a distance, through the computer screen, their pretty faces and faraway eyes, wide open. They never close. What is it in those eyes?
I can hardly look at my own straight because they are so piercing. It actually frightens me. What is in these eyes? And who am I really writing for, here? The world or you or me? Is this blog just for people on the autism spectrum or is it for everybody to have a look into the world of autism? Can it be all of those things?
Does it even matter who reads this? I am pretty sure it doesn't. You could be a hobo on the side of the road or anybody. You are a real, live reader and I reached you. That is all that matters to me. I am one tiny piece in the collective. I don't have to do my job plus the work of thousands. I only need to be me.
I haven't spent much time with people on the autism spectrum. When I have the chance to I back away. Maybe it is because I am not used to being with my own kind. I feel this is exactly where I need to be. The world is my kind and I am loyal to it, just as I am to this cause. It is a hard road when you belong nowhere. These little trends in the autism community are something I will have no part of, just like I will have no part in them in the world at large.
The socialization of autism is one thing but within our community there cannot be followers. Only those who are true to themselves. The socialization of autism is one thing but if we attempt to mimic the social hierarchy of the NT we will fail as a people. This is why we must cease to bicker righteously among ourselves and forgive the sins that were committed against us in our past. Forgetting those acts of hate is entirely another, however.
I am talking about a profound forgiveness that solidifies the person you have become and will become from here on out. A forgiveness of the situation more than forgiving a single person. It doesn't make sense to some people I am sure but I see the autism community as just another system to hold me back. I want to be an individual for the good of all. Have you felt that the autism community is a contradiction and that it holds you back? I am prepared for the possibility that this is just me and only me. That nobody else feels this way.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
A lot of autistic people are light sensitive but vitamin D is really important. Without it you can become (and this goes for non-autistics as well) depressed, anxious and develop a lot of health problems. Vitamin D deficiency is prevalent in America, possibly because of all the cancer hype going around these days. Vitamin D is good for you, guys! You need it! Do you know that vitamin D actually PREVENTS cancer? Goodness.
Eating a lot of junk food and not enough meat is going to ensure you become iron deficient. For people who don't care about that, think two words: hair loss. :) Not getting enough iron in your diet will contribute to hair loss. Nobody wants to lose their hair and iron is the secret hair fall culprit in many cases. The best source of iron is meat for most of the planet.
B vitamin deficiencies can cause people to experience depression and not be able to handle stress. Mental illness is associated with low levels of B vitamins. Without enough B vitamins, our brains can't function. Everything turns off, we get dizzy, tired and out of focus.
My suggestion to you if you are on the autism spectrum is to see a doctor (even though I would normally tell you to run away from them as fast as you can) and get your blood work done. Ask them to tell you about your vitamins levels. If you have a kid on the autism spectrum, finding a good gummy vitamin is great as long as you are making sure there aren't any harmful fillers and that the vitamin is gluten-free and casein-free.
We know neurotypicals are violent because they bullied and tormented us into the people we are today whether we like to admit it or not. When they would treat an animal with more humanity than an autistic person they showed us the capacity for inhumanity. We saw the inconsistencies, the insanity, the mob mentality. Autistics are usually more violent towards themselves but there are cases where the autistic may lash out and attempt to defend themselves from future violence. Sometimes this is done inappropriately. Sometimes you just think it sucks how badly it turns out.
While I am not advocating violence, here I would like to say that I have violent tendencies. They are in my head, mostly. They come from a deep well inside of me-no, more like a black hole. It is like a black hole inside of my very being that opens to consume all that is around it. I become that darkness and it consumes me. In certain moments I embrace that lonely place within me and wish to destroy absolutely everything around me, to start over. In those times I want to hurt people (gasp!).
Without telling you what kinds of violent crimes autistic people might commit, (you probably already have strange opinions about that like that we are serial killers or some crap) I am going to tell you the ones that you do not have to worry about as a rule.
- Mob attacks (monkey behavior where people join in on hurting someone or something just because they saw somebody else do it-ugh-what about being creative?)
- Bullying other people who appear more helpless and small
- Crimes of passion (what can I say, I like to be methodical ;) )
So, anyways. That's all I have to say tonight about people on the autism spectrum being serial killers. Have a good night everyone.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Doesn't that feel good? So, I prayed and prayed (to myself, mostly) for something to happen to just make it all go away (and it did, so it's gone-I can be a bit dramatic). Now I am back here on this rusty old blogspot page where Natural Autism Treatments Organization first started-its humble, honest beginnings.
Just to warn you, this is not a very well-visited blog and I talk a lot...but that's kind of what a blog is for so I hope you don't mind. I like it here. It's quiet. Cozy. Kind of feels like home. I hope you like the rainbows. Maybe you can find a nice chair to recline in or just stand if you like. Doesn't that feel great?
I am going to tell you the story of autism.
Initially I experience a complex emotion that is currently unidentifiable. I get a lot of these and they are painful. Imagine a bunch of feelings wrapped up in one, like an itch you cannot scratch and a word on the very tip of your tongue, it torments you. What is that feeling? Where does it come from? Do I want to cry, run or fight? Am I defensive, disgusted or angry?
The subject of autism upsets me and makes me want to vomit. Autism has become a buzzword, a word of evocation, usually exploited in a myriad of inappropriate ways. Autism this, autism that. Since I am autistic, am I supposed to think this is normal? Part of what makes me frustrated (and sick to my stomach) is how everything today is about autism. And there is nothing I can do about it.
We all know the "reasons" for autism and those speculations could take lifetimes just to fit into a conversation. Mostly, people seem so stupid. I hate hearing all this crap all the time. If you don't get it, I'm sorry. I guess I just suck at communicating. I don't even really know why this upsets me so much.
I think this socializing autism upsets me. I think this "we all love autism" while hearing about an autistic woman walking down the road getting raped in plain view of people disturbs me. I think the fact that everything conflicts yet fits so perfectly like a puzzle makes my head spin.
I hate saying "I" all the time and it makes me think I sound like a self-absorbed person. I hate how I sound in this stupid post and want to not post it. But I am going to post this stupid post, anyway.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
In order to respond to this apparently looming issue of What to Call Autism and How to Reference Autism I have to respond to ego because this really is just another issue of out of control egos, is it not?
Let me break it down, everybody so that it's just as plain and simple as it can be. I am not offended by "has autism" as though it means I have some dreaded communicable disease-no, that would imply that I thought autism itself was the disease and as that is not my belief I should be able to say PERSON WITH AUTISM (there, I said it) regarding myself and accept the expression from other non autistics without having a Severe Attitude Problem which is a sure sign of a reactive personality with low self esteem.
Politically correct nonsense has now, of course infected the autism community and it is purely based on egos wanting to point fingers and sharpen their ability to have preferences whenever preferences are easily cultivated elsewhere.
Since part of being an efficient human being is regulating energy it would be prudent to recognize the hemorrhaging power loss for what it is-some people just want to complain and they will find something to complain about. They waste all their vital resources on things blown out of proportion because they lack the abilities to further empower their own lives. No matter how you define autism you need to realize you are going to offend somebody. People get offended. It's easy to do. You can say autistic, has autism, person who is autistic, person on the autism spectrum, person with autism, etc and no matter what they are going to be offended. Mark my words and put your energy into something that helps and heals-not tears down. What matters is not what you say but HOW you say it.
Would you be offended if somebody said "he has a brilliant brain"? No. So perhaps the issue is that you need to re-think autism.
Speak with acceptance and it should translate more than your words.Welcome to another dimension of human existence. We are not one dimensional human beings. We transcend the ego mind and enter the land of love.